Discernment, Sisters and Life on the Land
How I try to avoid God but He finds me through religious sisters
I was supposed to write about a different OSV Innovation video today because I deliberately avoided Sr. Josephine Garrett’s talk when I first saw all the available videos. I already knew that she was going to drop some wisdom in her talk that I was not ready for, and I was right. Had I watched that video in the middle of May, which is when I got the email asking if I would be a part of this blog tour, it would not have made as much sense as it does now.
When I got that email I was on a plane heading to Disney World with my husband, daughter in law and my two granddaughters. We had money in the bank for the sell of our house and we had just closed on 10 acres of land in rural Texas. Everything seemed perfect and like it was going to be fine finally.
Today as I type this, I am sitting on that 10 acres almost two months after moving here full time and I am barely beginning to breathe. The first night we were out here there was a 500 year flood. The water rose to the steps of our RV and the thunder was so loud all the dogs crawled up on the couch to sit on top of me as they shook in fear. I was also shaking. We had no power, no water, no food and the rain would not stop. My car got stuck in the mud when I tried to get out and then my husband’s truck lost its transmission. We ended up in a hotel room with all three dogs and I was soaked from head to toe. I had no idea if our RVs would make it through the next week of rain or if our cars would be flooded out. One of those cars was my son’s electric Fiat.
Now, six weeks later I can see how God sent me out here. But that first week I really thought He might be cruel and mean to set me up to lose everything I owned. Not to mention that the savings we had for the first time in our lives was depleted in expenses we were not expecting. Do not even get me started on the scam artist contractor who failed to put in the driveway and instead ended up costing us $4,000 we do not have.
How could God allow all of this to happen after everything we have been through the past four years?
And then I sat down and finally listened to the voice telling me to watch Sister’s talk.
First of all, Sister Josephine is a Texan. I am a Texan so right off the bat I got her sense of humor. Also, Texas 4/EVER, but I digress.
Sr. Josephine hit on several things that are extremely relevant for our time about discernment but the main point is how God gives us what we need today. It is everything we need because God is an eternal now. This hit me so hard because that is what God has been telling me about this new life of mine. It is all about presence in the now. What we need today, what needs to be done today, what food we have today, getting gasoline for the generators today and on and on. We are living day by day even when it comes to money and for the last few weeks I have been freaking out about that. Rather than being thankful for how God shows up each day in big ways and takes care of us, I worry about what about tomorrow or next week or next month? As Sister says in her talk “I do not want daily bread, I want weekly bread or 5 year plan bread”. That describes me exactly.
For as long as I can remember I have talked to God all day long. I do have moments of formal prayer and I love mass, but I also just talk to Him all day long. Recently I have been worrying so much that I do not talk to Him at all. I talk at Him or I just simply worry. Two nights ago the sunset caught my attention. Slowly the sun went down behind the clouds and painted the sky red, orange and purple. It was so breathtaking that I cried. In that sunset, in those colors, in that awesome sky God wrote a love letter to me. He found a way to get me to sit still and let Him love me. I was very much aware that I was a relationship with God as Sister says in her talk. Last night the same thing happened when I found myself in a pen with baby goats, lambs and two calves. I held the baby goat as he snuggled up to my neck and I felt God saying “I know the world is on fire, but hold this baby goat and know how much I love you”. Again, I was in tears.
The peace that came over me was indescribable. As I listened to Sr. Josephine talk about discernment, the more I realized that I did discern to be here on this 10 acres of land. It just did not look like what I thought it should look like, instead it was me listening to the voice of God in the depths of my heart.
I hope you take a few minutes out of your day to watch the video. You will not regret it.
OSV Innovation Talks: Sr. Josephine Garrett- Daily Bread Discernment